Michael and I wanted to share a little more about our baby story–this journey to where we are now. It’s been a long almost two years, but I think that makes where we are now that much sweeter. The following story is one of transparency. We feel that by sharing our true story, God might use it to encourage someone else who is in a similar situation.
(Michael’s thoughts will be in italics.)
Our Baby Story – Part 1: Our Infertility Journey
In December of 2009, we decided to get off birth control and just see what would happen. At first (from about Dec 09 – Apr 10) we were pretty iffy about whether we were ready or not. While we loved the idea of having a baby, I don’t know if we were ready to actually be parents and all that comes along with that. By the time summer came around, we were both really ready to start a family. However, it turned out to be a good thing that we didn’t get pregnant before or around then because that’s when all of the job change/moving stuff started happening. And it would have been so crazy to be expecting a baby when we didn’t even know where we were going to be or what we were going to do.
It was definitely a time for us to see God’s hand in not letting us get pregnant at that time.
During the summer and throughout the fall, we began to slowly tell family and some of our close friends. We were worried that it would cause all kinds of questions and things every month, and we weren’t sure how we would feel about people knowing. But it turned out to be the best thing. It was such an incredible relief to know that the people who were closest to us were praying for us and supporting us through all of this.
We came to Beaumont in October of last year. While I still wanted to get pregnant right away, I now see that we were able to spend some really great times with the students here that we wouldn’t have been able to with a baby or a huge pregnant belly. This past summer was especially good for community building and growing closer to our youth. And we’re thankful that we had this time.
But it was still tough. By this point (last winter), I really, really wanted to start a family. But I was trying to hold it all in and act like everything was fine. I mean, I knew that I was supposed to trust God completely, so I convinced myself that by burying it deep down, that’s what I was doing.
In the middle of the night on Dec. 22, I thought I had a miscarriage. I called my doctor in OK (it was really tough to go through all of this without a doctor, by the way, and there were no openings until June for any of the good doctors here), and she said to go to the ER to get checked out. We went to the ER the next morning, and it turned out it was probably just a ruptured cyst.
Honestly, I was really disappointed. I was hoping that it was a miscarriage, because then at least I would know that I could get pregnant.
And after a year of trying and not getting any results, we just wanted some kind of an answer.
One of the ladies at our church who is a nurse called and got me in to see a doctor (actually, a nurse practitioner) in February. After talking to her, she ordered an ultrasound for a few weeks later.
This was also a difficult time because it was the one year mark for trying unsuccessfully to conceive. In the fertility world, this meant that we were officially diagnosed as fighting infertility. It was hard to let that truth sink in, and even harder to think that this might be a bigger problem than we thought.
In between this time, I went on a spiritual weekend called a “Walk to Emmaus”. It was incredible. My Walk was from Thursday to Sunday, and it was just a time of drawing close to God and learning about His grace and our response. I had a chance to talk and pray with our “spiritual director” for the weekend, and she told me that she and her husband waited 17 years for her son. She prayed over me and told me that she believed that God has given me a promise–we will have children. God also helped me to be honest with Him about my feelings. Even though I was putting on an “I’m trusting in God” face, I was broken inside. So I finally shared with God just how deeply I was hurting. And through my honesty and brokenness, God began to heal my heart and give me true trust in Him.
One verse that she shared with me began to be a lifeline in my life. Even though I’d memorized this verse as a child, and it had meant a lot to me over the years, it took on a whole new meaning. She told me that she believed God wanted her to give this verse to me, and I began to cling to its truth like never before.
“Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires or your heart.” –Psalm 37:4
A few days later, I had my ultrasound. Afterwards, my nurse’s nurse told me that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and gave me some medicine. I had to go home and look up what that even meant, because she wasn’t informative or very helpful. However, after my bloodwork, they told me (over the phone) that everything looked fine, and there was nothing wrong with me.
I also read “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” around this time and I started charting and taking my Basal Body Temperature every morning. I can’t recommend this book enough. It really helped me to understand my make-up as a woman, and I continued to be amazed at how God created us.
It was also around this time that we shared our story with even more people (my Emmaus Walk had given me confidence to share and ask more people to pray). We began to have the view of “the more people that know, the more people that can be praying.” It was a wonderful gift to have so much love and support surrounding us.
During Easter weekend, while we were in Tennessee for my brother’s wedding, it finally hit me how hard it had been not being able to get pregnant. Without sounding like I wasn’t looking toward it before, I just had my doubts and reservations up to this point. I had seen how God had kept us from having a baby for different reasons (moving from Oklahoma, starting a new job, looking towards buying a new house, etc.) but I guess it finally clicked in my mind that we were way past normal as far as fertility is concerned. I also so how heavy it weighed on Staci to not be pregnant, and we spent an evening just holding each other and crying in our hotel bed. At this point it had been a year and 4 months with no positive response, and it was even more frustrating that the Dr.s didn’t really seem to have it together.
We kept having doubts about the medical advice/diagnosis we’d been given, and we felt I needed a second opinion. Through my uncle’s help and recommendation, I was able to see a doctor in Houston in May. She was incredible! From the first few minutes with her, Michael and I knew that God had brought us to her. She explained that, yes, I do have PCOS, and she even made lists of every cause of infertility in women and showed me how I don’t have any of the other things. She gave us a plan for the following 3 months (hormone medicine and ovulation predictor kits to see if I’m ovulating or not) and said for Michael to go to the doctor as well.
And this is where we’ll end Part 1 of our Baby Story. Stay tuned for more!
–Michael and Staci